Miscellaneous Absurdities

The ideas for these miscellaneous absurdities were found in a little notebook in my desk. It's my handwriting, so I'm assuming I thought these up:

• A person is described as "youngish," who then says, "I'm older than I look."
• Remember the "To Catch A Predator" show? The host catches Bigfoot somehow, but refuses to broadcast it because of "panic." He ensnares the monster when he's in a chat room mentioning how big his "feet" are.
• There's someone like storm chasers, but they're Energy Chasers, a team of "true believers" who hold to the theory that a town is a like a body, like "any system" is. They consider themselves like chiropractors of systems.
• There's a guy whose wife gets up and makes his newspapers into scrolls. He says, "I'm an old fashioned guy." Because of its size, she gets up extra early on Sunday.